It has been my experience that the support of my adoptive parents actually made the relationship between myself and my adoptive parents closer. In the beginning my parents were worried I would find my natural mother and love her more than I loved them. I searched for 2 years before finding my natural mother and sister. I explained to my parents that I Had been happy but I had to know who my natural mother was. I explained how I looked in the mirror and yearned fo someone to look like me, or maybe walked like me. They understood, supported my search and I found that we got closer and sepnt more time together once I felt like a complete human being. We now live 300 miles apart but I love them more than ever before.

I tell all the triad members who search to set a goal and that goal should be truth. The triad member has to be willing to accept whatever they find. It doesn’t matter what is found but rather knowing the truth. Even if the search is completed and rejection is experienced this result can still be positive. Searching helps the adoptee to become an adult, rid themselves of the childhood fantasies and accept themselves as a whole person. I personally felt that searching for my natural mother wasn’t something I wanted to do. It was something I had to do. Although things didn’t turn out the way I had hoped, I would do it all over again. I got answers to many of my questions.

Search is an important step for the adoptee to resolve questions. However, completing the search and meeting your natural family will not magically restore self esteem or the feelings of rejection and abandonment that may have been felt for years. Deciding how involved to be with the natural family after finding them and how to combine these relations with the adoptive family relationships can take a lot of work. No matter when the natural family is found this cannot make up for the years that were not spent together but can bring an added dimension to the adoptee’s life.

The night I spoke to my sister for the first we spent the whole night talking on the telephone about our likes an dislikes. When I realized that closure was brought to a part of my life it felt great.