I think that society has realized for the most part that it is normal and healthy for an adoptee to know more about their genetic history. I truly believe that adoptees perceive themselves differently when they have some information about their birth family’s background. An example is that if the adoptee knows something about their natural mothers education or special talents they have a greater self esteem and a better idea of who they are.

An adoptee thinking about search may be strongly with not opening Pandora’s box because they may be devastated by what they find. They may experience rejection or find a natural parent who needs emotional or financial support that they are not prepared to give.

On the other hand the natural mother has rights. The natural mother may not want to be contacted and this also needs to be a consideration for adoptees. The adoptive parents also need to be considered and the adoptee may feel that searching will bring them grief, feel unloved, unappreciated, and hurt by their child’s need to find his or her “real” parents.

It is important to remember that as the adoptee you need to take your own feelings into consideration. In most adoptions, the adoptee had no control over whether they were placed for adoption or with whom. Searching is a way for the adoptee to get back some of that control, fill in the missing pieces, and move on. If the adoptee has a strong urge to seek out their natural parent or parents then they should follow those feelings.

Adoptive parents many times have the misconception that they did something to make their child want to search. The reality is that they have not. The truth is that it is a normal need to know certain things about themselves. For example why they are artistic or gregarious. The adoptees curiosity has nothing to do with poor parenting. The adoptee searching does not mean the adoptive parents did something wrong. It just means that information is needed for the adoptee to feel like a whole person.