1)If you choose to make your first contact by mail, be very discreet and delicate about what you say in your letter. Sometimes an adoptee has not been told that they are adopted, and sometimes a birth mother may not have told anyone about the adoption. It is best to let the found party control who they tell and when. You should indicate on the envelope that your letter is "personal and confidential".

2) When the initial contact is by telephone, inquire as to whether the person is free to talk at the moment. If they sound hesitant or say “no”, either leave your phone number for them to call you back, or ask if there is a better time for you to call again. Do not leave a message on the phone with something like, “Hi, I am Minnie and I think you are my daughter.”

3) Try to be keep in mind that while the timing for a reunion may be perfect for you, it may not be for the birth family member that you find. Be considerate and understanding and move at their pace.

4) Sometimes just blurting out, “I think you are my birth mother” may work out fine, but, it is wise to be a bit more tactful and discreet than that if possible. It will probably be quite a shock, so, it is wise to take some care to be tactful.

5) If your birth family refuses contact, respect their wishes and hope that they eventually change their mind.

6) When tracking down information from others to find your birth family members, use the utmost discretion and do not reveal any more information than is necessary;

7) Remember how you might feel if a birth family member called you out of the blue. You might be skeptical that they were the “real deal” and proceed with caution. Do not misinterpret a cautious attitude as disinterest.