Do you think I should tell my adoptive parents that I have decided to search?

It is important for each adoptee to make the decision that is best for him/her. Support groups often encourage adoptees to share with their adoptive families. Advantages in sharing with adoptive parents: They may have additional information about the adoption and information on the birth family. There are many who want to support their child and share the experience throughout the search and reunion process. This shared process can be enriching for all parties and strengthen emotional ties.
Disadvantages: The adoptive parents may feel threatened and oppose searching. The adoptee may be expected to provide support and to reassure their adoptive parents through the process. Some find this may be too much of a burden. Some adoptees choose to tell their adoptive families at a point in the process when they feel strong enough to cope.

How can I cope with the waiting and prepare myself for the outcome?

EDUCATION AND SUPPORT - Read about others’ experiences. Write a letter to your birth family or journal. Join a search support group or connect with a “buddy” for support. Seek support from your loved ones and help to educate them, so they can share the experience and know how to be supportive throughout the process. Consider working with a counselor, who specializes in search issues.

As an adoptive parent, what can I do during the search and reunion process to help my child and ensure the stability of our family?

Communicate to your child the belief that curiosity about one’s roots is normal. Communicate unconditional love and support for your child. Provide support but give him/her space! Read about search and reunion and join a support group.

Now that my birth family has been found, how can we make our reunion a positive experience for everyone?

It is important to have realistic expectations and to be especially patient with the person who was found. Communicate by letter, email or phone gradually before meeting face to face. Communicate honestly but sensitively. Be aware of the stages of reunion and how you experience them. The length of time for each stage varies.

How will I ever cope with the rejection?

Continue participating in a support group. Consider individual counseling with a therapist experienced with adoption search issues and grief/loss.