There are so many trite comments one could make about what to expect in an adoption reunion - "Expect the unexpected," is one that I particularly believe is appropriate. Reunions are as varied as the two parties involved in them.

Each party comes to reunion with their own personality, issues and expectations. Rarely are both parties on exactly the same page. In fact, in the beginning of reunion, it is often quite difficult to figure out exactly how the other party does see the relationship.

Many complex elements are involved in an adoption reunion that might make the relationship seem like no other relationship you have ever had. In many ways, reunion relationships have such different dynamics that they may be quite different from any other relationship.

All of us enter any relationship with certain amounts of baggage from the past. However, in reunions, the baggage from the past is more complicated and unusual in a way. The person that you reunite with is not quite a stranger, but not yet a close family member either.

Trying to integrate those two elements into a relationship is more than confusing. If you are perplexed about how this new family member should fit into your life, your uncertainty may be obvious to them. You may be moving towards them and them pulling back because you are uncertain where the relationship should go.

Expect that the person that you are reuniting with will have conflicting feelings and run hot and cold. If they pull back, understand how normal that behavior is, and do let over-react and take it too personally.

Remember too that as the searcher, you may have had plenty of time to ponder and consider your expectations. Although you may be well-prepared, your birth family member may need some time. Do not expect them to instantly embrace you. Chances are good that a reunion will be welcomed, but there are many variables that affect how a found person will react.