Adoption Search, Birth Family Search, Reunion - Reunions - The Best Part

11/30/06

Reunions - The Best Part - You Tell ME!

Posted by : Jan Baker in Adoption Search Blog at 08:48 am , 369 words, 162 views
Categories: Reunion, Expectations

What one aspect of reunion makes the experience most rewarding for birth family members? Sometimes adoptees speak of having their curiosity satisfied. There is no more wondering about where their brown eyes came from, or their musical talent (or lack of it.)

Answers to many questions that they have thought about for years are often provided at reunion. Filling in the pieces of their lives is often satisfying and helps them feel more grounded. Even those who do not develop successful relationships after a reunion are still generally content with their decision to search. Some birth moms that I know long for contact with children who are not interested. However, even knowing that their children are alive and well offers some sense of resolution for birth mothers with little or no contact.

Some birth family members find graves and mourn the loss of a family member that they never knew and have lost a chance to know. Finding a grave is not the desired result. However, at least there is some resolution.

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For birth family members who face rejection at reunion, there is some heartbreak and pain. However, making the gesture towards a reunion is a brave step and something to feel proud that you attempted. Nothing may diminish the pain of rejection, however you may also feel a sense of accomplishment that you tried, no matter what the end result.

Whatever the end result of a search, the journey is sometimes an integral part of the process. For many searchers, I imagine that a great deal of introspection takes place during a search. One of the best parts of reunion for me is the sense of peace, resolution and healing it has helped me achieve. Equally as significant is the joy that knowing my son and having a relationship with him brings to my life. I would not trade our connection for anything – it is priceless to me.

Share your best of reunion! I would love to know what reunion means to you. If you have not been reunited, tell me what you hope to gain from reunion. For those with children who might some day have reunions with birth family, what are your hopes for your children?

4 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: deanp [Member]

Meeting your bparents is everything to someone who has not met them. Then, you discover that there is more complexity to life and to yourself, which places you at a crossroads in your life: do I accept myself for who I am and what I know about myself or do I continue to expend emotional, financial, and time to answer questions I have about myself?

I met my bmother in Athens Greece. I was born in Athens and raised in the United States. I was told I was an adoptee at age 9. My parents did their best to protect and were not very good at discussing this topic. Nonetheless, I met my bmother 18 years later. It meant the world to me - it still does.

Humans have the ability to understand that life ends and that life began at some point. This natural instinct of knowing our past and curiosity about our future is demonstrated in fields like paleontology and hobbies like astrology. This is true for the individual, like myself, who wants to know who brought him into the world and under what circumstances.

Finding my mother, her agreement to meet me, my very long trip (I don't reside in the U.S. - I live in Asia), and her comments to me are priceless. I am at peace with this and with me. I feel blessed, lucky and fortunate. When you wish for something that long - 18 years - and for something that important, the deals you make in your mind with the superior being referred to as God or fate are over. That's how I feel. I've gotten in my life what I want - I'm not 40 yet. My hope is to live out a quiet life with my wife and pass gently through to the next world.

Before I do that, I will care for the people who raised me and parented me - my parents. It is part of my responsibility as a son of Greek-Americans. I've forgone mostly every other cultural practice except for this one.

Dean

Permalink 12/01/06 @ 01:04

Comment from: Jan Baker [Member]

· http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/

Wow, thanks so much for your comments! I am so touched by them. I hope that my son feels as you - I believe that he does at least somewhat.

We who are reunited are fortunate - I remind myself that every day of my life. Sounds as though maybe you do too.

Permalink 12/01/06 @ 02:05

Comment from: msnursesandy2004 [Member]

I recently met my birth family last weekend. How did it feel? Hmm out of body experience. I was more in shock and awe than anything else.It still doesnt feel true. Yes there was some unease but my immediate family (husband and kids) were by my side. I had great joy now knowing I have a sister. And my mom I dont blame her she was 14 when she had me not her fault the decisions were not hers to make. I can never replace my adoptive mom but my birth mom can be my friend and maybe someday she can be more in my life.

Permalink 02/10/07 @ 16:31

Comment from: Jan Baker [Member]

· http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/

Congratulations on your new reunion! I agree that first meeting does seem somewhat surreal. I remember feeling in awe as well. Over five years later our relationship is real and thriving, and I love it!

Best of luck!

Permalink 02/11/07 @ 01:05

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