Dr's G's post about reunions and adolescents has emboldened me to discuss this subject as well. It is a somewhat controversial subject, but, hey, aren’t many of these adoption dilemmas? I know several birth mothers that either located and/or were found by adoptive parents before their children were grown. Reunions did occur in all of these situations.

I was quite interested to hear Dr. G’s thoughts on this subject. The fact that she even considers the possibility of reunions before children are legal adults was encouraging to me. Her thought that reunions may go smoother if there is some sort of a logical plan sounded like a very positive concept as well. Guidelines for reunion are an excellent suggestion. I believe that we always have a better chance of getting where we wish to be if we have clear goals, reasonable expectations and a plan.

It is often true that until you meet that other birth family member in reunion and spend some time with them, you can not know for certain what you want to happen next. You could instantly hate or love them or your feelings might develop over time. All the best laid plans could change in a heartbeat after an initial meeting or later on in reunion. The wants and desires of a person can change dramatically in either a negative or positive manner.

Though I believe strongly in carefully listening to our children and paying attention to their wants and desires, I also agree that one petulant comment during a heated fight is not reason enough to immediately begin work on a reunion. However, I do have concerns that at times some adoptive parents and their counselors may try to reason and talk children out of their need to connect with their birth family. I would hope that is not a common occurrence, but, I do wonder.

I believe the decision to orchestrate a reunion between an adopted child and their birth parent should be given serious deliberation and planning. However, I would hope that adoptive parents resist the urge to try to convince an adopted child that a reunion should not occur. Adopted children need their feelings validated and not dismissed in regards to their desire for contact with birth family.

To be continued…..next,I will discuss how important the adoptive parents attitudes are as to how they approach a possible reunion.