When your relinquished children at reunion ends up living thousands of miles away from you, most of your contact may end up being via the telephone. Depending on your personality, this might work well for you or be less than satisfying. Although many of us keep in touch via email, I love hearing both of my son's voices on the phone.

One universal truth I have discovered is that nearly all birth mothers want more contact than their children. There are rare exceptions. Sometimes adoptees want more contact, but that seems to be less common. When many miles separate you, it is expensive and difficult for much eye to eye contact.

Since my son Chris is in Seattle, and I live in Southern California, we do stay in touch mostly by telephone. In fact, our first contact was by phone. Before our first phone call, I hoped that it would be easy and not strained, and thankfully, that has been the case. In fact, the naturalness of our first phone call did signal the course of the relationship that would follow.

Although we emailed alot during early reunion, we also talked on the phone once a week for months. Now that we've gotten to know each other better, our calls are generally once a month or so. However, we have learned alot about each other through our phone calls. Our first phone call lasted several hours, but now they are generally an hour or less.

Since we are both talkative and animated, we rarely have any lulls in our conversations. There is more a danger of talking over each other for us! Chris has commented on how much he enjoys our "chats" as he calls them. He has noticed how easily our conversation flows when we talk.

In fact, I have discussed phone calls vs. in person contact with a few adoptees. Some adoptees actually prefer phone calls because they are safer and less threatening than in- person contact. I sometimes wonder if Chris feels that way; it is possible. Whatever form your contact takes though, I hope that you enjoy and appreciate it! I know that I do.