Reader comments are so helpful whether they are positive or negative. One of the reasons I like to receive them is because they often spark deeper conversations about various subjects. They also help me to understand when there is a need for more education about a particular subject.

The last comment in this http://birthfamily-search.adoptionblogs.com/weblogs/wraith-explains-it-well post has several issues that I would like to talk about.

It can become "adversarial" if you encourage people to contact at any expense. To spring forth uninvited (it did say Perhaps) if the other party wants no contact,is not taking everyone's feelings into consideration.

Since I do have an inherent belief that reunions have very positive possibilities, I enthusiastically encourage people to search and reunite if possible. However, I also advise all parties to use great care, respect and discretion in contacting a birth family member.

I do not encourage people to contact "at any expense". This includes being respectful to adoptive parents, and trying to reassure them that a search and reunion is not a negative reflection on them. I caution all to have the utmost respect and consideration for both sets of families – adoptive and birth.

The reader spoke of "springing forth uninvited" in referring to birth family members contacting one another. Due to the current state of our laws regarding adoption access in most states, one can generally not know whether contact is welcome or not. The only accurate way to find out if your birth family member wants contact or not is to ask them directly. If they say "no", you respect that decision, and hope that they change their mind.

Some people advise attempting contact through an intermediary first, and sometimes that does work. In some states, you have little choice but to have an intermediary make the initial contact to determine if the found birth family member wants contact. Unfortunately, the intermediary system has some dramatic flaws, and often is ineffective. Registries also have some similar problems.

To Be Continued.....................................