The biggest myth about why most women relinquish is that it is a choice that they make because they do not love or want their child. In most cases, it is just the opposite. Some women convince themselves (or others do) that the "loving" choice is to relinquish. In some extreme situations, this could be true.

Those who work in adoptions sometimes may use a pregnant woman's love for her child to their advantage. They may tell her that the loving choice is for her to relinquish her child. And, what if she compares what she has to offer with that of more mature, settled, wealthy adoptive parents? How can she compete with all that they have to offer? Don't most women want the very best for their children?

Keep in mind, she is likely in a state of mind that thinking straight is difficult. Becoming pregnant without intending to takes a hit at one's self-confidence as well. Some women who become pregnant accidentally feel that they do not deserve to become a mother after being so careless and irresponsible. However, they do not realize that over half of the pregnancies in the U.S. are unplanned.

Sometimes all a woman needs is some support and encouragement to choose parenting. Lacking that, she may sometimes relinquish out of fear because she is afraid and uncertain that she will be a good parent. Sometimes it may only take one person cheering her on to boost her confidence and believe in herself.

As I said, most new parents to be have some doubts about their parenting skills. Becoming a parent is a large enough responsibility that it can frighten even mature and settled adoptive parents. Therefore, it stands to reason that a woman in a crisis pregnancy might seem overwhelmed by the thought of parenting.

Sadly, some women who relinquish are so mired in denial that they make their decision without really being able to realistically evaluate what the best decision in the long run. They have no clear
clear picture of the lifelong consequences of their decision. Many of those who advice women in crisis pregnancies seem to not uunderstand the impact of adoption and may give bad advice.

Women relinquish because they are scared, insecure, get bad or no advice and any numbers of reasons that may or may not make sense in the long run. They want a solution that eases their temporary problems, but, often fail to look at the long term. Few birth moms I know had any realistic idea of how deeply they might regret the loss of their child.