If only it were that simple - To not worry and be happy! For most birth mothers surviving the loss of their child to adoption is generally anything but "easy".

Since reunion is often a time of healing for birth parents, I thought it might be appropriate to discuss what expectations for healing or recovery at reunion are "reasonable" for them. We birth parents are all different, despite some people may want to believe. The ability for some people to heal differs greatly from others based on a number of factors. These comments are based on generalizations about some of the possibilities for healing and recovery for birth parents.

I have one serious concern whenever I speak of birth parent healing. I worry that my thoughts on this subject might be taken to imply that I expect that losing a child to adoption is an experience that one “gets over”, heals or recovers from completely. Despite what many birth parents may be told at the time of relinquishment, I do not believe that the experience of losing a child to adoption is a singular event that one ever totally recovers or heals from. You learn to live with the loss, and hopefully find a way to mostly accept it, but total "recovery" seems rare.

Many people tend to dismiss or minimize the impact that relinquishing a child to adoption has on a birth parent. I believe that to do so is dishonest and wrong. To pretend that relinquishing a child to adoption is an event that one can “get over” is a disservice to all birth parents. For the sake of young pregnant women in the future considering placing a child for adoption, we must be candid and realistic. It is crucial that we portray losing a child to adoption in an accurate manner.

Some healing is possible certainly. I realize saying that a birth parent never completely “gets over” or recovers from the loss of their child may seem overly dramatic to some. However, losing a child to adoption is a traumatic and profound event for most normal, caring parents. The experience stays with you always.

To Be Continued......................................