7. Are you ready to meet possible extended family and integrate new members as your family? – When you meet your natural family, you are taking on more, not less. You open yourself up to a family that you may not remember and yet is yours by birth. You must decided how much of your life you ant to share with them. The day I learned my natural mother was deceased I also learned that I had a sister that I had never known about before in addition to uncles, aunts, and cousins. I never had thought about meeting these folks but they all wanted to be a part of my life and welcomed me with open arms.

8. Are you able to respect your natural parents? – It was easy for me to relate to my sister. She is 19 months younger than me and we were both grew up in middle class families. She was finishing college and I had finished a couple of years earlier. However, there were other natural family members that were less fortunate economically, were working long hours at minimum wage to make ends meet and their It was through learning of their lives that I learned that I have to respect their dignity and the way they live. I had to respect that they are my natural family even though I had no memory of them and I understood why I could not help them in the ways that I could. Older folks in a family give to their children and even though I was an adult to them I was still a little girl.

9. Have you thought about life after reunion? – When initiating a search all the focus is on the search itself. The true journey begins when you meet your natural family and are left with the question “Now what?” Do you want to continue a relationship or are you satisfied with the reunion and do not wish to have further contact? Will you feel an obligation to help your natural family? Will you try to travel to visit them once or twice a year? Will you send gifts for the holidays and remember birthdays? Reunion replaces the fantasies and dreams for reality. After reunion you can’t go back into time and erase them. You have seen their faces, you know who they are and you have become a part of their lives/

10. Is this your choice? – As an adoptee we did not get to choose adoption. We did not choose to be relinquished. We did not choose who would adopt us. The decision to search is the one of the few things adoptees get to choose. It is a part of your life journey and not a part of someone else’s. There is a right time for everybody and it is an individual thing. I tell folks to listen to their gut, heart and a have a clear mind. Don’t listen to others who are enthusiastic about your search or reunion. The enthusiasm needs to be yours. Don’t let yourself be pressured by your natural family or your adoptive family to search or reunion until you are ready. The choice needs to be yours. Just like no one can tell you when it is the right time to search.