The adoption journey for the adoptee does not end the day they are placed in the arms of their adoptive parents. It is actually the beginning of a lifelong journey of self discovery and the beginning of the adoption journey. Our experiences have not always been clear nor have they been simple.

The decision to search for natural parents is a personal decision as well as the route you want to take in conducting your search. This blog, the internet mailing lists, the forums at www.adoption.com, search and support groups, and conferences can help you create a road map based on other people who have embarked on a search before you the reality is the circumstances that led up to your relinquishment all affect your search and ultimately the outcome. What I am trying to say is that every search and reunion is unique.

Over the weekend I thought that I would gather a list of questions that have been asked of other people who have search and reunited with their natural families. I choose 10 questions in which 5 relate to search and 5 relate to reunion. These questions can be useful not only if you want to search or are searching but it may also help you understand your adoption.

1. What are you searching for? – Adoptees are interested in learning more about their roots and natural family. Search is about the journey of searching for the truth and not the actual reunion. If a relationship becomes of the search being completed this is an added bonus. It is important to understand what you are seeking. Some adoptees don’t search but are found. When the search is completed, you know these people are strangers yet they are connected to you by blood.

2. Why do you want to search? – Some adoptees are curious or feel a need to find more about their identity. Others may feel a need to feel complete, or medical information. There are some adoptees who want to let their natural family know that they are okay. Why you are searching and why you want to meet your birth family is something that you need to understand before embarking on a search.

3. What are your expectations? – Many adoptees create a fantasy about their natural parents whether they are conscious of it or not. Looking back in my life, I don’t recall consciously having any fantasies of my natural mother but I wondered what if I was given up because my natural mother didn’t want me. I just did not know. Asking yourself what your expectations and fantasies are is important as well. If you search, the reality will not be the same as the fantasies. Are you willing to give up your expectations and childhood fantasies? Many adoptees, including myself, have said that after meeting their natural family, they realize their “real” parents were the ones who adopted them.