"If you wait to do everything until you are sure it is right, you will probably never do much of anything."

Win Borden

1. Have I done my homework before searching? Have I met others who have reunited and searched? Read about search and reunion? Have some idea about what to expect? Done some Internet research?

2. Do I have a core support group of triad members and/or friends and family that will support and nurture me during my search?

3. What expectations do I have for my search? What do I want to accomplish? Information? A relationship? Healing? Do I expect reunion to "solve all my problems"?

4. Am I emotionally as prepared as possible for any outcome? Death? Rejection? Overwhelming and unconditional love and acceptance?

5, Am I at a point in my life that I have the time and energy to devote to a reunion if I find my birth family or child?

6. Do I have the patience of a saint? Hmmm, I cannot emphasize too much how crucial an attribute patience may be in a search. There will never be a "perfect" time for a search, but does my heart tell me that this is the "best" time and that I have an urgent need to proceed now with a search?

7. Do I have realistic expectations or am I setting myself up to be hurt by expecting that quintessential fairly tale ending? Although, I know that I already mentioned this one, I cannot overstate how important having realistic goals during a search are to one’s emotional well being. Reunion books all tell you not to have any expectations, however, I think while that is a worthy goal, it probably is not possible to have no expectations.

8. Have I dealt with as many of my adoption related issues as possible prior to reunion? For a birth mother, this generally means really grieving the loss of her child. While this can and sometimes does happen during reunion, if it is possible to resolve some of your issues before reunion, it will make the reunion less stressful.

Please keep in mind, no one will have all this figured our prior to reunion. However, the more soul searching and preparation you do prior to search and reunion, the better off you will be!