The article published on March 1, 2007 titled “Family Counsel: The Primal Wound of Adoption" caught my eye.

The article made me think of the book titled The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child by Nancy Verrier. Although the book is mentioned another book is also mentioned titled Babies Remember Birth. In this book psychologist David Chamberlain writes “minutes after birth a baby can pick up his mother’s face which he has never seen from a gallery of photos. This suggests the child will also be aware when the person is missing.

On the other hand, The Primal Wound: Understanding the Adopted Child explains bonding as a continuum of physical, mental and spiritual events that begin during pregnancy and continue after birth. When this natural period of bonding is interrupted by separation from the natural mother the child experiences a feeling of abandonment that is stamped onto his unconscious mind which will result in issues later in life.

The article states that this is true for not only infants who are adopted but also new borns who are placed in an incubator. It is the feeling of abandonment that causes the primal wound.

The article contained the following advice in regards to the primal experience. If adoption is involved it does not help to conceal from a child the fact of adoption. It has been found in various studies that adoptees often are unconsciously aware of their difference and the supposed secret of adoption plays a significant role in behavioral problems.

Be honest with your child (or children) about the adoption.
Educate yourself on adoption issues. One place to start is www.adoptivefamilies.com or www.adoption.com, which has links to further resources.

Among helpful books are Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, by Sherrie Eldridge, and Telling The Truth to Your Adopted and Foster Child, by Betsy Keefer and Jayne Schooler.
Be supportive and courageous as your child deals with the issues inherent in adoption.