Today was an emotional day. It is March 30, 2006 and it is the best of times and the worst of times. My husband and I have been trying to conceive for two years. We have had a pregnancy in my tube, and a miscarriage. It has been an emotional roller coaster for us both and we kind of came to a point of if it doesn’t happen soon, we are going to take a break. I guess in a way we were accepting that we might not be able to have a child of our own. My new cycle should have began yesterday and my monthly visitor was a no show. I did a home pregnancy test last night and as we anxiously waited the two minutes to see the results we were shocked when it was positive. So, it is the best of times for the reason that we are excited and happy about the new life that is growing within me. It is the worst of times because it has brought back the concerns and issues we have faced. We are worried about the obstacles we have dealt with in our previous pregnancies and any new obstacles that we could experience.

At any rate, this morning I immediately called our infertility/endocrinologist that we have been working with. I went in for blood work to confirm the pregnancy. They called this afternoon and said that my blood levels all look good. It is still too early to tell whether or not this pregnancy is viable but it made me think about my adoption journey and my genetic history.

Although I found my birth mother’s family almost 13 years ago, I still lack family medical history and other family information from my birth father’s side. If things work out with this pregnancy, I will need to find an OB and I dread going to another doctor. A visit to the doctor’s office, especially for a new patient, is where adoptees are asked about their family medical history. I become more aware of how I differ from those who were not adopted. I am uncomfortable in the doctor’s office when he would ask me for any medical history. “Did anyone in your family have diabetes? Cancer? Heart disease? These questions make myself and other adoptees become acutely aware that we have this whole genetic inheritance that we know nothing about.

With all the issues we have had conceiving, I keeping thinking of these different questions about the baby we conceived. What will the baby look like and if the baby will inherit any genetic disorder? I am fearful of the unknown and it has made me afraid. The birth of our baby will be the opportunity to encounter a “blood” relative and we are joyously anticipating that day. I want to touch someone that is connected to me through blood lines and in a way if a connection to the past or the future.

Non adopted people take for granted that they have access to their genetic and medical information. Being adopted makes it very difficult to obtain updated medical information unless birth parents have updated their file. Some states allow adoptees to have access to non identifying information but often time this information is from the time of birth and quite outdated. For me though, my birth father is not listed. There is no information about him and no one seems to know who he is.