Most adoptees wonder about their birth history or origin at some time in their life. The adoptee may think about his unknown past and experience fantasies, fear, or envy and at some point make the decision whether or not to search for his or her natural mother. The adoptess personality, stage of emotional development, adoptive parents support, and the amount of information and resources available to the adoptee will influence his decision to search.

During search and reunion a recovery or healing process takes place. There are decisions and choices to be made. I can’t stress enough it is important for the adoptee to expect the unexpected and education him or her self to deal with the inevitable ups and downs of the search and reunion journey.

My own search ended with finding a grave. My natural mother passed away 15 months before I had found her. My search ended with more questions than I had had when I initially started my search. The circle was never truly completed but was left open. This has given me numerous perspectives on the whole search and reunion healing process.

Once the decision has been made to search and the major obstacles standing in every adoptee’s way have been overcome the work is not yet over. The opportunity for growth and gratification comes after completing your search and reunion takes place.

During the search process the adoptee has to confront his own feelings of being “rejected” by his or her natural mother. Before embarking on the search process the adoptee may tend to react to life situations with anger and fear of rejection and these feelings may undergo a transformation once reunion occurs.

An example that I have realized over and over throughout my involvement in the adoption community is when I hear other natural mother’s adoption story. Their circumstances of their situations and their reasons for relinquishing their babies to adoption I realized that I was not rejected because I was inadequate or because of who I was but because of the circumstances in her life. I also realized that the last thin my natural mother could cope with at that point in her life was a newborn infant. As a married woman, trying to start our own family I understood, appreciated and was sympathetic to her decisions and the emotional turmoil that she had to endure. I will never know the whole story or hear it from my natural mother but I still feel it was an incredible opportunity for growth and adjustment.

Reunion is an emotional rollercoaster with a lot of emotions. Some of which are conflicting. The shock of facing reality and subsequent denial, and anger to bargaining to sadness to depression. These are all emotions of the reunion process and healing. When these feelings are experienced and worked through the resolution will be in the acceptance of the persons new role in your life. Fantasies are now turned to reality and fears are confronted.

Each of these emotions come in various variations in intensity and durations and some may even overlap one another or skipped all together. They are recognizable though and will help the adoptee as well at the natural mother to finding healing.