Society has come a long way since the closed adoption era in regards to the taboos of single parenthood. The guidelines in society that once protect marriage because marriage protected the child seem a bit outdated today. However, there are some who want to hang on to their husbands for paternity reasons and don’t’ want DNA testing. Why is this? Infidelity? The wife wants to keep husband in the dark because she doesn’t trust that he will stay with her if he finds out the truth? Doesn’t he have a right to know? Does the child have a right to know? Does the wife/mother have the right to lie to protect herself against consequences of her own actions? Don’t the secrets and lies eventually come out? Won’t they eventually destroy lives and relationships?

The natural mothers shrouded in secrets and lies know the weight of the burden and know how it reaches a point in their lives that they can’t go on pretending anymore. Some of you reading may or may not have reached that point and I suppose some never will.

I have a question for the natural mothers reading. I am trying to make a point of using this question and analogy. If you have seen the amended birth certificate of the child you relinquished to adoption how did you feel when you saw the adoptive mothers name? If you haven’t seen the amended birth certificate you may not feel the impact by thinking about it.

How about the adoptees reading? The first time you saw your birth certificate, knowing you are adopted, did you think that your natural mother had a hand in the changes?

Does it appear to you as if the adoptive mother gave birth in the hospital at the same time as you were giving birth. So, the adoptive mother wasn’t in the delivery room with you…was she? Maybe adoptions as of late but how about the closed adoption era? I think it is safe to say the answer is no across the board so isn’t this just yet another lie?

I feel like I could go on about this for a long time. This blog could go in so many directions such as embryo adoption, insemination, egg donors, etc. The bottom line in all of these or other scenarios is doesn’t the child have a right to its identity and genetics?

My husband has several buddies who are in the process of getting divorced and are faced with paying child support. One of them is having DNA testing done because he believes the child is not his and is basically trying to avoid paying support for that child. It turned out that the child was not his but the judge made him pay support anyway because he accepted responsibility for the kids by acting as his parent since birth. When my husband told me this story I couldn’t help but think that the children lost their Daddy and their identity all at one time.