Though I figured that I would be a bundle of nerves, I was strangely calm and together. Not so calm that a relaxing bubble bath didn't sound good though, so I filled the tub. As I laid there immersed in bubbles, I thought how surreal it all seemed. I could barely believe that it really was going to happen. Soon,I would meet my good-looking, blue-eyed, tow-headed 6 ft. tall son. The last time I had seen him he was 2 or 3 days old.

I laid soaking in the tub dreamily smiling and feeling blessed, yet nearly disbelieving that it could really happen - meeting my son. Though I inevitably was transported back in time to my sad sojourn in the hospital when he was born, I tried to banish those memories. Instead I remembered how much I loved and longed for my baby before he was born. And I was absolutely thrilled to be having this chance to meet him now. I never in my wildest fantasied expected this day to ever come.This occasion was not a time for sadness, but, a joyous and happy one, so I kept warding off any negative emotions.

One of the reunion books I had read discussed the issue of whether to hug or not upon first meeting. I had toyed with the idea of settling this beforehand, but, thought better of it. Instead, I decided to just let our meeting happen - and take it as it came.

A quick nap, a long relaxing bubble bath and then I carefully got ready to meet my son. I loved him so dearly. The bond that we'd had, I had tried to snuff out and ignore to survive. Now, it was safe to love him again and I gladly allowed myself to let those feelings for him flow and live.

The jangle of the telephone interrupted my thoughts and I nearly jumped. "I'm here", he said, "and I will be right up." A silly grin exploded on my face and I gave myself a quick internal speech. "You cannot be a blubbering, soppy, pathethic cry-baby." I wanted him to look at me, love me and see me as the calm, strong and loving mother that I am.

I bucked up, resolved to remain cool and calm and there was a knock at the door. I took a deep breath, opened the door, and in walked my tall, lanky son. He nearly took my breathe away. "This is real", I thought. "It is really and truly happening." Next, I remember melting in his arms, enveloped in a long bear hug. It was a moment to be savored and remembered always as a warm and overwhelmingly happy one. Even now, nearly 5 years later, I remember that first tender hug with great affection and joy.