For me, searching was the most incredible journey. Even though I found a grave, I don’t regret doing it. My search was for a truth not for a relationship. I didn’t realize how much I wanted a relationship until after my search was completed.

Your adoptive parents can also be a huge help. They may give you everything they have on the adoption. They may not even realize how much they have. They may follow and support you through your search and to the end.

Adoptees grow during their search. At that begging they may feel appalled at the bureaucratic circles and feel inadequate. You may develop a protective covering most people develop in kindergarten when they confront and learn to tolerate their name calling, teasing and tormenting peers.

Society’s attitudes towards adoption search and reunion have changed a great deal since the 1980’s. However, there is still an ignorance that is still out there about the whole subject. This ignorance may surface at the most unexpected places, from people untouched by this issue who are very uninformed and have unwavering opinions. Unfortunately, at times, these folks are the ones who are in a position that could affect the outcome of the search. There are also some who may try to protect a triad member from what they felt would be further hurt. This lack of openness and honesty is just going to lead to yet another obstacle of insecurity.

There is a fear of the unknown but once you are able to get past that there is the potential for healthier relationships and the ability to move on to be more than an adoptee searching or a natural mother ashamed or an adoptive parent fear loss. You can heal.

I have always felt very strongly about openness and honesty during the adoption search and is probably something that made my search easier for me to deal with. When I came up against adversity or disappointment I would stand right back up again, even more determined than before knowing that it was not just a search for people or facts but my self esteem. Plus, I always knew that I would find my natural mother and that helped me get through. I also had a strong support system around me that helped me immensely.