When a search is completed in some instances there is a person who is caught by surprise. Several triad members have said to me when they first contact me said that they have no expectations and these same people have later said to me that they didn’t know what they expected to find but it wasn’t what I did find.

For all triad members in the closed adoption era there has been years of wondering about the other person, their situation and their life. The hole or void is filled with an image full of hope, fear, and what feels most familiar.

When you first learn that first piece of information it never completely matches our expectations. The facts may be sketchy that first piece of information is from your non identifying information. You may learn of a person with an unexpected family size or situation. You may learn of health issues or it may sound too good to be true.

If the facts come from a source that is more direct the information may be more complete. The information may tell the story of a person more educated than you imagined or describe a person with a different lifestyle, value, or morals than expected.

If you receive a picture you may be shocked seeing a face that looks familiar in many ways or disappointed if there is no resemblance at all. The person may dress differently than you imagined or may look older or younger than you had expected.

I think the biggest shocks will come during the first face to face meeting, especially if it takes place in the other person’s home. Seeing an individuals personal space adds substance to the image of who they are.

I think it is important to acknowledge these differences between the images you had and the reality of who the person is that you found. In the end they then can be accepted. This process has many steps but with each step comes an increased feeling of acceptance.

As I have said before, reunion is a search for self and through the process we are able to find increased acceptance of ourselves. Reunion for me helped me to reduce my inner struggles and find peace in my life.