The attitudes of those who don’t search is sometimes said to be a lack of curiosity. Those who decide to not search often say that they simply don’t think about searching and don’t need to. Some of these adoptees search later in life but what I have noticed is that the remain non committal or ambivalent about the prospect. Some are even very critical of those who do search.
Since in my last blog, I wrote about the theories about the reasons for searching, I thought it would be nice to address the therioes about those who do not search. I believe that the sense of righteousness and loyalty play a part in the decision to not search. The adoptee may feel as if they don’t have the right to rock the boat or open a can of worms. The adoptees who don’t search may feel they have accepted that they don’t have a right to their own heritage and have guilt that searching would be hard on the adoptive parents
Adoption is something that we can not change Once adopted always adopted but those who decide not to search have the feeling that they would be better off ignoring the issues of adoption so they can get on with their lives. Maybe these adoptees have turmoil with being adopted and more than likely have denied or minimized the significance of adoption in their own lives.
Some in the adoption community would argue that those who search aren’t getting on with their lives. The decision to search or not to search can be the result of several different factors including several unknowns and the personality of the adoptee. Some who search may be immature and grasping and some who don’t search may be in denial and lacking in self confidence but the majority of us are none of these things. When looking at search, the impact that sealed records, secrecy and the gratitude factor have influenced the decision to search.