As I said in my previous blog, the seven core issues in adoption effect all triad members. This blog is going to focus on these issues and the natural mothers.

The first is loss and this is something that ruminates about the lost child for the natural mother. The initial loss merges with other life events and can lead to social isolation, changes in body and self image. There is also the relationship losses between the natural mother and their child relinquished to adoption and even between the natural mother and natural father.

The second is rejection and this is where the natural mother may reject themselves as irresponsible, and unworthy because they permit adoption. They may turn these feelings against themselves as deserving rejection and come to expect and cause rejection.

The third is guilt and the natural mother may feel as if she is a party to a guilty secret. She may feel shame and guild for relinquishing a child to adoption. Some may be judged by others and told that it was not okay to keep the child and some may say that it is not okay to place a child for adoption.

The fourth is grief and can be for a short period and be delayed for years or decades. There is a lack of rituals for the natural mother who looses a child to adoption. They may feel a sense of shame and blocks grief work.

The fifth is identity. The child is part of the natural mothers identity and her identity goes on without knowledge of the child. The natural mother may have a diminished sense of self and self worth. This may even effect the future parental desires of the natural mother.

The sixth is intimacy. For the natural mother she may have difficulty in resolving issues with the natural father. This may interfere with her future relationships and intimacy may equate with loss.

The seven and last is control. The natural mother may view relinquishment as an out of control disjunctive event and feel that it has interrupted the drive for self actualization.