Labels are another "hot button" issue at reunion. I have heard both adoptees and birth mothers alike express upset or frustration over how their reunited family members introduced them to others or referred to them in person.

Some adoptees get very agitated when their birth mothers sign letters or emails with "Mom" or "Mother" or refer to themselves in that manner. Other adoptees, readily accept that their birth mothers are indeed their "mothers". Some people are able to accept the concept of two or more mothers; others are unable to do so.

One birth mom I know hates that her daughter introduced her during a visit repeatedly as her "birth mother". She felt uncomfortable having the whole town know. From my perspective, it is a commonly used label, even if it is one that many birth mothers do not care for.

Some adoptees are disturbed when their birth mothers introduce them as "my daughter" or "my son". When my son visited our home for the first time, one afternoon, we met a neighbor outside on the street. I was proud of my son and wanted to introduce him. Yet, I didn't. I was uncertain as to how he might feel about being introduced as "my son". I asked him about it later and he said that it would have been okay. "After all", he said, "what else can you call me?"

There are some triad members who use the terms, "birth child", or "birth son or daugther". Personally, I would have a difficult time introducing my son as my "birth son". It just sounds "icky" to me. Adoptive parents rarely introduce their children as their “adopted” children, so, it sounds forced to me for a birth parent to use the term “birth son or daughter”. However, if that is what someone is comfortable with, that’s what they should use. It is wise to be sensitive to what the other party in reunion would prefer.

To Be Continued....................................