I was 11 when I found out I was adopted. It was at my grandma’s funeral that I over heard two folks talking that I learned that I was adopted. Because we did what most families do after a death I choose not to say a word to anyone that I had heard this information of myself being adopted!

We cried, we talked over memories, and then we started to go through my grandma’s things. It was several weeks later before I mustered up the courage to ask my adoptive parents if what I had heard was true. I was satisfied for the time being with their answer and we went on with our day.

As I struggled through my teen age years, I knew at the age of 17 that I wanted to find my birth family. After I finished high school, went to college, and got a “good” job I felt ready to do that. The year was 1991. It was before the internet was widely used as a tool in searching for lost family members. Email was not widely used and the search techniques were different than today.

My search was completed on November 3, 1993, 11 months after I had been granted a court order which appointed the county Children and Youth Services (CYS) to conduct a search for my birth family on my behalf.
I had obtained a copy of my medical records through CYS and was able to read the name through the information that was “whited” out. Once I was able to figure out her name, it was a matter of time until I found my birth mother. In fact, it was exactly 6 weeks.

My search for my birth mother ended with a grave. My birth mother had passed away 15 months prior of cervical cancer. On this same day, though, I learned that I had a sister. She was raised by my birth mother.
I was going through a roller coaster ride of emotions and was anxious to have contact with my sister. Things didn’t go quite that smoothly as the contact information we had obtained for her was actually my birth mothers brother. Initially, he was very reluctant to tell my sister about me but with some patience and several conversations with him he decided that it be best she was told. He told her about me, and shared the photos that I had sent her on a Thursday. Three days later, she called me for the first time. I recall being stunned when I answered the phone as she sounded just like myself. We talked for hours and found that we had a lot in common and that there many coincidences where our paths may have crossed.

We both had so many mixed emotions I don’t think either one of us really knew what to do. I think we both kind of felt out of place because neither one of us was an only child. I was now the first born and the older sister. For my sister, I think she questioned everything in her childhood and started to understand so much more. My birth mother was a certain way and although she never told my sister about me after learning of my existence things made more sense.

I met my sister less than a week later from our first phone call. I think we had our doubts about meeting each other and were wondering if “mom” were living what would she have done and I know I wondered what my sister wanted in regards to the future and our relationship.
The evening we met, is a night that I will never forget. My sister was caught off guard to see the family evidence in my looks. We went over photos, and stories and on a different day, visited my birth mothers tombstone. We talked that day and wondered if my birth mother had been alive if she would have allowed us (my sister and I) to know about each other or if the secret would live on.

Our first meeting went well and I have had a relationship of some sorts with her to this day. My sister and I grew up 20 minutes from one another. I moved away from the area we grew up in 8+ years ago. We have had our ups and downs and have needed to step back at times to deal with our feelings and issues that we may be having. In fact, all communication with my sister had stopped several years ago when my now husband came into my life. To this day, I am not really sure why or what happened. However, through all this time I have consistently sent her a card or a note. They have been short and sweet. Sometimes I would include a picture. I did the same this year for the holidays. Our card was a picture of my husband, Snickers (our golden retriever) and me) I sent the card as I always do with no expectations of hearing from my sister.

On December 21, 2005 I received a holiday day card from my sister with a note and contact information for herself. She had asked for me to contact her so we could catch up. After several days of mulling over her note, and with the encouragement of my husband and other family members, I made the decision to email her on Christmas Eve. We have been corresponding via email for the past two months. We had our first phone call in 2 ½ years and as of the most recent has indicated that she would like to see me and meet my husband. This would be our first face to face in 8 years.

Would I consider our reunion a success? Yes and no…I think we both learned from the experience and we both learned a lot about life. I think we both made mistakes and I think we both were hurt by some of the choices each of us made. However, by her walking back into my life, we have a second chance. I have no expectations and am taking it one day at a time. I am glad that I found my sister and to have another connection to my birth mother. It does cause me sadness to think that my birth mother felt that she had to hide me or that part of her life from others. I have come to accept that I will never understand her reasons for giving me up. I will never know if her fears or reasons were valid. It is not my place to decided as then I would be judging her and I don’t want to do that. I only have love for her and for my sister.