I immediately wanted to search for the woman who gave birth to me and in a short period of time I become disinterested in events that I had worked on and looked forward to. My adoptive mom, in her own grief over the loss of her mother would not hear of me missing out on any of these things. She gave me the ability to try and see things in the face of adversity.

It was after I found my birth mother that I realized there are too many treasures in life we take for granted, the worth of which we don’t fully realize until they are pointed out to us in some unexpected way.

Adoption use to be something that was a huge secret. Adoptees have had a difficult time getting information about their birth family and the birth families were given very little, if any, information about their child. It hasn’t been until the past several years that adoptees, and in some states, birth mothers have been able to reunite easier with the aid of the court system, confidential intermediaries, legislative changes, and adoption reunion registries. These all play an important role and have the potential to offer the support many people need.

Yes, there are birth parents or adoptees that have no desire for a reunion and that can be a major let down. These folks have learned to be silent about their adoption experience. A reunion is really a chance to heal an old wound that never healed. By building new relationships reunions overcome old wounds by acknowledging the grief and loss and letting healing occur. This can be a life altering experience.

Adoption is about love and sacrifice. Birth mothers were pregnant at a time that was not the best for them or their baby. There were and still are many couples out there who are unable to have children. It makes sense rationally, though it might not always feel that way. Honesty though, is a must. We need to respect all of the people involved in adoption, which means being honest with them.

Honesty and communication are the most important things to keep in mind throughout the search and reunion process. It is best to be clear about what you need and don’t need, what makes you comfortable or not. If everyone is communicating clearly and honestly, it leaves less room for miscommunication and the feeling of walking on egg shells. It also helps the other person to have more of an understanding of where you are coming from.