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Searching for minors is a controversial topic. The majority of the population probably believes that it is a bad idea. However, I know of a few instances in which reunions with minors work out very well.
Generally minor searches are instigated by birth parents. Many people feel that if a birth parent is going to search for their child, they should wait until their child is grown. Until I understood how much reunions can benefit younger children, I agreed with that theory.
Some children may never want or need a reunion. For other adoptees, a reunion is nearly a foregone conclusion. What causes such a wide divergence in opinions about a need to connect with birth family? I honestly do not know. However, I imagine several factors are involved.
Some of these factors include:
A child’s personality;
The age of the child when the adoption occurred; and
How well the child fits in their family (or how they may perceive that they do).
Some children may be more curious than others. For some adoptees, being different (i.e. adopted) is a bonus, for others, it is a burden. However, some children realize early in life that someday they want contact with their birth family. For children who are struggling with identity issues, reunion might be beneficial for them.
The results of reunions with minor children that I know of are varied. In some cases, the adoptive parents searched on behalf of their child, mostly teens who were struggling. Reunions in which adoptive parents have initiated and encouraged tend to be more successful in my opinion.
In some instances, birth parents have searched for their minor children with varying degress of success. Adoptive parents generally need to be on board for a reunion with a minor. Some adoptive parents can handle dealing with a birth parent before their child is grown, others cannot. There are many possibilities.
I think the best route to take for a birth parent who has found a minor child is to contact the adoptive parents about possible contact. Approaching a minor child directly is a risky proposition in most instances, and probably not a good idea. However, not many birth parents search for minors, so the possibility is not one for adoptive parents to worry about too much.
I am glad that you suggest contacting the adoptive parents first.
I know it is rare, but it happened to my family (my younger brother) that his b-mom choose to contact him as a minor and our parents did not know. I plan to post on that later, but needless to say it was tramatic for everyone.
Yes you are right when speaking of contacting minor children it’s best to make sure all adults are onboard and working for the best interest of the child.