The way you chose to make contact is your decision. You have to do what feels write for you.

Writing a letter is one approach you can make to a person you have been searching for. A letter is less threatening to people and it gives them time to think about their response as well as to work through their feelings.

One suggestion when writing a letter, is it can be sensitive and written as if someone else in the home may open it. Here is an example for your reference:

Dear Jane,
I am searching for someone named Jane Moody Smith to whom I may be related. I realize that you may not be the only person with this name and therefore may not be the person I am seeking.

Would you please contact me on (phone no. and/or address) to confirm whether or not you are the person concerned.

I can assure you that any response will be treated with confidentiality and respect.

Yours sincerely,

You can vary this letter to fit your situations but the point is to not mention adoption at this stage since you know nothing about this persons life situation.

There is a down side to writing a letter and that is you do not receive an immediate response and may be left wondering what is happening. If you don’t get a response, you can wait at least a month before writing and sending another similar letter.

Another option for making contact is to have someone else make contact on your behalf. The down side to this is that it may be your one and only opportunity to hear the persons’ voice. By placing the call yourself, you will receive immediate results. On the flip side, a phone call doesn’t give the person being contacted an opportunity to prepare themselves and may be in shock. If this happens try to get them to write down your name and phone number before the call is finished.