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The previous blog in this series gives you a pretty good idea what to say when making initial contact via phone but what if they say this is not a good time to talk. You should ask for a more convenient time when you can call back. Don’t wait for them to suggest a time, but ask if tomorrow morning or tomorrow night would be better. You should give them some options so that they are in control of the situation but make your intent to call back perfectly clear.
In case of an immediate positive response you may want to have ready a list of questions. You may want to ask if you can get updated medical information. This may also be a good time to figure out where you get your nose, hair and eye color. If the response is positive to the call the person you are speaking to is going to be just as curious about you as you are about them.
Before you place the call you may want to have a pad and pen handy so that you can write down the information you are getting. That way, you will have a reference to go back to after the phone call is ended to help you remember what you learned.
Also, before you make the call you want to make sure that you have all the documents pertaining to the adoption within arms reach. You may also want to write down any known facts that aren’t included in your documents and have that handy as well.
You may want to also ask if you can write, exchange pictures, or even meet sometime. If the person found is uncertain on what they want this will clarify the intent on establishing some type of reunion goal.
Lastly, it is okay to say to the person found that you will call back if you haven’t heard from them by a particular date. Obviously, you don’t want to do this in a threatening way however you also don’t want to be sitting by the phone for weeks on end trying to keep a promise that you won’t call back when the phone’s not ringing.
The advantage to placing a phone call to make initial contact is that it’s quick. There is usually no waiting for an answer or wondering for days to find out what the other person’s response is. Hearing the voice of the other person may make the difference between yes and not now.
However, the con’s include timing is everything. If the call comes at a bad time or on a bad day it could delay the process. The person who is being contacted has little time to think about their response. The caller has their entire search to prepare for this call but the person being found did not.
