e-mail
As I have said before there are no rules or guidebooks for first contact. However, there are things that others have done in the past that have seem to have worked for many who chose to make first contact via a phone call.
You always want to be polite. You are going to feel scared to death and think you can’t do this but you can. After dialing the number you want to ask for the person you are seeking and make sure you have the right party. You then want to identify yourself by name, and state you location some like. My name is Karen and I live in PA. You then ask the person you are speaking to write down your area code and phone number in case you are unexpectedly disconnected.
You also want to ask if it is a good time to speak to them or would they prefer you call back. Tell them you have something of a personal nature to discuss with them but before you feel comfortable disclosing personal information you would like to determine if thye are indeed the correct person you are trying to reach.
This is where you want to use what you know from your research and/or your non identifying information to verify that you do have the right person. For example you ask are you the Mary Jones who used to live in Philadelphia? Were your parents names John and Jane? Was your maiden name Smith? Once you get 3 yes answers you can be pretty sure that you have got the right person so now it’s time for the big question.
You can start to say that the reason you are calling is that I was born on such and such a date in (city, state) and my name at birth was (if you have the birth name, give it) or if you were Baby Girl Smith, use that. If there is silence you can go on to say that you have been searching for you for a very long time and have reason to believe that you may have some personal knowledge of that day in my life. If you would like to continue you can say that you understand that this contact with you may have come as a surprise and if you need time to think about this and call me back I will understand but I hope that you welcome hearing from me because you have been in my thoughts for many years.
Reactions are going to vary and everyone reacts in a different manner when contacted. Many natural mothers expect to someday hear from the child they relinquished to adoption but think of it as what if and now as what now scenario. They may be shocked, confused and at a loss as to what to say or how to respond.
