During reunion, you might feel as though your relationship has strayed from its course and you could be feeling a bit lost. Your birth parent or child may not call or email as often as they once did. Phone calls might become shorter, as well as less frequent, when they do happen. Maybe, you suspect that you have done something to upset the other person. Both parties may fear that the other person will leave again.

Birth moms often might assume that they have done something to cause their child to pull back or retreat. An adoptee could feel similarly. It is possible that you might have done or said something that halted the other person for awhile. However, a better possibility is that the natural course of a reunion relationship will rarely be a smooth, straight line. It is entirely normal for a relationship to evolve over time, and like life itself, have ups and downs.

Paying close attention to the other party's body language, actions, and comments may help you understand how the other person feels. Triad members do retreat from reunion relationships at times for several reasons. If they feel too pressured, with too many unrealistic expectations, they might retreat. When a relationship develops too quickly, they might become fearful and need to retreat for awhile.

Sometimes adoption issues may suddenly pop up at reunion that might need to resolved away from the other person. If you need to retreat and are certain that it will be noticeable, try to tactfully explain your motives. If you choose not to do so, the other party may be left confused and hurt.

How can you tell whether or not what seems to be happening in your reunion is normal and not cause for distress? When your intuition and/or your crystal ball fail, have a frank discussion with your child or parent. Tell them how you are feeling and ask for some input. Then you will better be able to assess if what is happening is something to be worried about or not.

There are many useful and well-written books on reunion that can be helpful to refer to when you hit a rough patch. Check out Adoptionshop.com's available books. One of my favorites was Birthright by Jean Strauss. Tab pertinent pages to refer to during reunion as needed!