Recently, I learned about an interesting phenomenon that some adoptees experience at reunion. While I had vaguely heard mention of this occurrence, I did not realize how significant an issue it can be for some adopteees. It involves mourning the loss of the fantasy birth mother that they may have imagined most of their lives.

At reunion, when they meet their birth mothers, rarely is the women that they encounter exactly what they expected. Apparently, this discovery causes some adoptees to mourn their loss. The loss is not one based on losing a person, but instead a fantasy. It is akin to letting go of a dream.

It is unlikely that a birth mother comes from royalty or a prominent political family. Nothing is impossible though. Some few women who relinquish do come from prominent families that might reject an unmarried mother in the family. While it is certainly less scandalous now than it was in previous times, some families might still feel a need for adoption to cover the "scandal" of a baby born in the family to an unmarried woman.

A famous and beautiful movie star might be another fantasy birth mom - not likely, but it could happen, right? Joni Mitchell is a birth mother after all. I believe I have heard of a few well-known actresses who are also birth mothers.

Not all adoptees have fantasy ideas about their birth moms growing up, but some do. I have no idea how common this scenario is, but several adoptees I have run into have told me that giving up that fantasy mother was difficult for them at reunion.

They have described a period after reunion in which they became depressed and mourned the loss of their fantasy mother. They realize that she existed only in their minds. I find this mourning the loss of their fantasy mother an interesting event.

Apparently, more adoptees fantasize about their birth mothers than I previously believed. Adoptees sometimes joke about their fantasy birth parents, but I did not realize how much significance those fantasies hold for them.

To Be Continued........................................