How to begin your search:

1. Try not to offend the people who raised you and love you. This is easier said than done. Some adoptees wait until their adoptive parents are dead, but this can also hurt your search later on as possible clues either vanish, or people that were familiar with the situation also die.

- explain your reasons (your desire to know is NOT a rejection of the people who raised you). In some cases, your adoptive parents, relatives, and local clergy at their church may know some or all the details about your adoption.

- ask them for help (some adoptees use the medical argument as their most effective tool). If you as an adoptee intend on having children, it is wise to use this as a reason for getting information.

- only resort to legal threats as a last resort.

2. Start with the familiar. Begin your search with the facts as you know them.

- In many cases, the facts on your new birth certificate can give you clues where to begin your search. Examples would include: county where your birth certificate was issued, hospital of delivery, state where the certificate was issued.

- If you've moved, ask family, friends, and neighbors who knew your family around the time when your altered birth certificate was issued, or who knew your adoptive parents in the early years of their marriage when the adoption most likely took place.

- See if the pastor of the church your parents attended during this period is still alive, or if congregational/parish records exist. Some churches will require the adoptive parents to furnish some information about the original parents because of various peculiar religious doctrines (this is particularly true some extremely conservative fundamentalist or ethnic churches).

- Look for old diaries and photo albums (home sources).

- Look for old legal folders. Some adoptees have accidentally uncovered information in old legal files which their parents were given by the lawyer who handled the case after he retired.

3. Adoption Reunion Registry's. & Support Groups. Many states have a reunion registry. This is a file of birth parents and adoptees over the age of 18 or 21 (depending on state law) who are seeking each other. Reunions are possible when both parties have signed up, allowing the state to hand over names and addresses. Several states have "search and consent" rules, which permit adult adoptees to contact state social service departments and request a formal search for birth parents. There are a number of local and national organizations which serve as information and referral sources for adoptees. They can provide you with support and advice on how to deal with the many legal and emotional problems you may encounter.

Most of the "Happy" reunions you hear about occur when this avenue is successful.