Hard not to do sometimes - to judge others, that is. Most of us try to be fair, reasonable and not lump people into categories based on one single facet of a person. However, many people do judge others based solely on one single aspect.

That factor could be skin color, race, religion or gender. In adoption, it could be based on one's position in the triad. "Birth mothers" are often all lumped into one vast category. (I am certain that adoptive moms may feel the same way.) Some adoptive parents know few birth parents. They may know only the birth parent of their child or children. If the few birth parents they know are drug-addicted, unstable, irresponsible, abusive and alcoholic, they may assume that most birth parents have those issues as well. Some adoptive parents tend to think that most birth parents are probably like the few they know.

Most of us fall into that trap at one time or another. I know that my view of birth parents differs from many adoptive parents. The birth parents that I know are mostly like me - stable, loving and ordinary people. Some adoptive parents only seem to be aware of the stereotypical dysfunctional birth parents. Nearly all birth parents have one thing in common – an unplanned pregnancy. However, other than that, we are a varied group of people.

"Prejudge" is defined as "to judge before full examination; judge beforehand."

"Prejudice" is defined as:
1. To prepossess with opinions formed without due knowledge or examination;
2. An opinion or judgment formed without due examination;
3. Prejudgment;
4. (Law) A bias on the part of judge, juror, or witness which interferes with fairness of judgment.
5. An opinion that is preconceived and unfavorable.

How often do we pre-judge others in adoption solely based on their position in the triad?

To be continued.......