The relationships that result from a reunion may be more complicated in some ways, but, they are as varied as any other relationship. Some adoptees speak to their birth moms daily; others may talk less often. Visits between adoptees and birth families are more frequent for some parties than others.

Not only does proximity to each other affect the frequency of visits, but other facts do as well. Some reunion relationships fare better than others. The frequency of contact may not be an adequate indicator of how good a relationship the two parties have. Some people crave more contact and closeness to others.

Being close to others is an issue that adoptees sometimes struggle with at times. Some birth moms may feel uncomfortable with too much closeness as well. Adoptees and births mom may have difficulty with the issue of closeness due to their adoption loss.

Though there is a temptation to compare your reunion to others, it probably is not a great idea. A certain amount of comparison is inevitable, but, I urge you to try to avoid scrutinizing your relationship in this manner too much. There are a few reasons why trying to “rate” your relationship is not productive.

First, we are all different, and therefore our relationships will vary as well. Our different life experiences affect how well we relate to others. Therefore, it is an unreasonable expectation that each reunion relationship will be identical. People are unique;so are relationships.

Second, if you spend a great deal of time judging your own relationship, you may become disappointed and not enjoy and appreciate your relationship. Better to consider that every moment you are in contact with your lost family member is not a given. Our system of closed adoptions never intended that you ever have any time to know each other, let alone have a relationship.

To Be Continued.......................................