Reunion is such an unusual experience that many people who are reuniting often wonder if their feelings are normal or not. I can't tell you how many times I have heard a birth parent or adoptee begin to tell you what is happening in their reunion, then pause and ask if their experiences are "normal." As far as I can tell, there is not too much normal about reunion. Yet, in some ways the relationship itself may seem very natural and easy.

Closed adoptions did not plan for reunions to ever occur. The whole premise of a closed adoption is to sever all ties between a child and its birth family forever. No provisions were made for a reunion to take place. Therefore, there are not many guidelines for reunion etiquette.

A few guidelines are now available in books and on-line resources. However, in general reunions are uncharted journeys. There is still a great deal that we do not know about reunions and finding good information is sometimes a chore.

Here are some examples of situations that people reuniting want to know whether they are normal or not:

1. Is it normal to be so down after a visit?
2. Is it normal to feel overwhelmed at times?
3. Is it normal to hate saying goodbye so much after a visit?
4. Is it normal to be physically attracted to the other person in your reunion?
5. Is it normal to be want to touch the other person a great deal?
6. Is it normal to sometimes feel that you need to pull away at times?
7. Is it normal for it to be difficult to figure out where this other person belongs in your life?
8. Is it normal for people reuniting to spend so much time together in the beginning of a reunion?
9. Is it normal to obsess about the other person and think about them non-stop?

People who are reuniting sometimes think that what's going on in the reunion seems unusual. There is nothing unusal about the whole process. What is normal and usual is for a mother to raise her child. Being separated for decades is not the norm for mothers and their children.

A reunion is an attempt to normalize what should have been in some respects. It is normal and usual for mothers and children to know each other, be together and connected. It is unusal to begin with for mothers and children to be apart, so their coming back together may not always seem completely run of the mill and/or normal.

Eventually a reunion relationship may become normal, but it often takes quite a while. However, all the questions mentioned above are considered normal in the context of an adoption reunion. Although these things are all normal, that does not mean that you might not profit from professional expertise to deal with troubling issues.

Curious about any of the so-called normal features of many reunions listed above? If so, let's talk about them.