by Jan Baker

D.M.C., also known as “D,” is Darryl McDaniels, of the legendary rap group Run-D.M.C., the most successful rap group in the history of music. Run-D.M.C. was the first rap group to go gold, the first to earn platinum and multi-platinum albums, the first to star on MTV, and the list of firsts goes on.

And Darryl is an adoptee who learned of his adoption as an adult, and searched for and found his birth mother.

His story was first told publicly on television in VH1’s recent documentary, “DMC: My Adoption Journey.” As I watched the show, I was left wanting to know more than just the surface story that can be shown on television, so when the opportunity to interview this bigger-than-life celebrity came along, I jumped at it.

He is a powerful storyteller with a fascinating story to share. The interview was scheduled for a half hour and we ended up talking for over an hour. He is bright, expressive, interesting, and eminently charming. We covered as much about adoption as time allowed, and talked not only about the secrets, lies, guilt, and shame that are part of adoption, but of the love and the good things that have come to him as a result of his adoption journey.

Taking His Story Public

I asked him about making the decision to go public with his story on television. He said, "At first, it was overwhelming." He credits the encouragement from other adoptees as the push needed to help him keep working on the documentary. "I thought about stopping and just doing it (the search) in private. Adoptees just kept telling me though, ‘You’re doing a great thing, D. It will help so many people to hear your story.’” He went ahead with the show and told the story, including his search and reunion.

Darryl’s story is a fascinating one. Like an intricate mystery, it is full of twists and turns, and chance encounters with other adoptees at crucial times in his life.

A Secret Revealed

Five years ago at the age of 35, Darryl found out he was adopted. He was doing research for his autobiography and called his mom on the phone to ask her some questions about his birth. He realized he didn’t know any of the usual stuff… about how much he weighed, etc. She gave him the information, but an hour later, she called him back. "We have something to tell you", she said. "You were adopted.” She offered the few details that she had about his birth parents and added that if he ever wanted to find them, they (his parents) would help him. Darryl’s father was still alive at the time (he died two years ago). Apparently after his first phone call asking about details of his birth, his parents had a talk and decided that they needed to tell him about his adoption. As he learned later, everyone else in his family knew. Darryl’s brother has said that he and a cousin told Darryl he was adopted, but when he was very young. "I was four years old though!" Darryl says. "I was four!"

I asked if he knew why his parents had not told him. He said that he believes they just kept looking for the perfect time – and it never came. He added that he thinks telling him was a release for his adoptive mom. It was a secret she carried around for a long time.


D.M.C. Goes Latin

There’s a lot of talk today about the need many adoptees have to know their heritage, something Darryl can identify with. He told me that shortly after he was told he had been adopted, he believed he was Dominican. For five years, he embraced "being Dominican." After years of not knowing his heritage, he went hog wild and bought all things Dominican. There were t-shirts proclaiming his heritage, and even a Latin cookbook. He began listening to Latin music. His wife cautioned him to wait until he was certain about that fact, but he didn’t listen. Why did he embrace the Dominican culture for only five years? Because once he found his birth mom, he realized he was not Dominican after all!

I asked him what had caused him to believe he was Dominican… where he had gotten that bit of information. He chuckled, "Oh, oh, you mean the misinformation? My mother told me. She told me that they believed that my birth mom was 16 years old when she had me and Dominican." As it turned out, neither piece of information was accurate. She was 22 when he was born and not Dominican at all!

"Have a Good Day" but No OBC

Darryl began his search nearly 5 years after he learned that he had been adopted, and it ended in November 2005. The VH1 documentary showed some of the difficulties he faced in trying to find his birth mom. In a moment perhaps familiar to many adoptees, after receiving his birth certificate from the Hall of Records, he sat down with his friend Eric, carefully pulled the certificate out of the envelope, and began reading. He quickly realized that the birth certificate did not have any information regarding his birth parents. He called the Hall of Records and told them he was coming back. A mistake had been made. "Oh, really, how can I help you?" asked records clerk. Her tone was friendly and polite. When he explained that he had gotten the wrong birth certificate and needed the one with his birth parents’ names, she laughed. "Oh, that will never happen! That will never ever happen." She went on to tell him that his original birth certificate was sealed forever. "The one that you are looking at now", she said, "is the one that exists now”. He was nearly shocked speechless. He managed to thank her and started to hang up. "Have a good day," the clerk said cheerily, and she hung up.

"That was cold," he said when I asked what he felt at that moment. "She acted like it didn’t matter. Like I was crazy to want it."

I asked him if the roadblocks he encountered have inspired any interest in the open records movement. "Oh yeah," he replied, "we’re gonna go to Congress. That’s the next step." He told me that during the filming for the documentary when he spent some time working with Wendy at the Foundling Home (one of the places he was referred to when he first began his search as a place that advises adoptees who want to search), she told him, "D, just keep doing what you are doing. Remember you’re going to be the guy to get the records open.'" Open records are now part of his "mission" he said.

Two Mothers

Being a mother myself, I was curious about how his mothers were handling the reunion now. First, we talked about his adoptive mom. Like many adoptive moms, she had some difficulty in the beginning understanding why Darryl felt the need to search. That bothered Darryl because he did not want to hurt her, something many adoptees express. " I was so worried about what my adoptive mom was gonna think, but Wendy from the Foundling Home kept telling me, ‘Darryl, I’ve been doing this business for 30 years. She’s gonna be all right. Once she sees that you’re all right, she‘ll be all right. It’s gonna be cool.'"

Wendy’s predictions were right on target. As his adoptive mom has seen how positive the experience has been for him, she has become supportive and excited for him. One of the first questions she asked him after she found out that he had found his birth mom was, "Does she look like you?"

Although Darryl has not spoken much about his adoption to his adoptive mom, he does have questions. He remembers other kids coming in and out of the house when he was growing up and living with the family. Of the other children who lived for a time in his home, he was the only one who was adopted. "Why did you keep me?” he wants to know. It is a question to ask his adoptive mom someday.

In his documentary, there is a very poignant scene that shows Darryl calling his birth mom on the phone for the first time. I asked him what he was thinking at the particular moment that she confirmed that she wanted to meet him. "Did you think that I would say no?" she asked him. I mentioned the broad joyful smile that he had on his face. He told me that, at that moment, she suddenly became real to him. "I knew then," he said, "that this was no movie, no TV show. It was reality. My life.”

I asked how things were going with his birth mom. He said, "Fortunately, it is a good relationship. We are taking it slowly, but we’re doing well. We are being open and respectful to each other and it is good."

He mentioned that, although they were strangers, there was "something there.” "When I was having suicidal thoughts 10 years ago, she was feeling something at the same time," he said. When they met for the first time, Darryl's birth mother told him that ten years before, she had become overwhelmed with the need to finally talk about the secret of her son, and she told her best friend. "Oh, don’t worry, it’s going to be okay,” her friend said. "Your son’s going to find you."

No Anger

I asked if he felt any anger. He said, "Honestly, I don’t feel anger. For me, I just wanted to know how my story began." He attributes part of that to his birth mother’s being open to answering his questions right away, telling him his story, why he was relinquished, and other things he wanted to know. "The day we met, when we starting talking, she told me why she gave me up," he said. "I think it’d be different now, having a reunion if I said, ‘What happened?’ and she said, ‘I don’t want to discuss that.’ That would make it difficult." He went on to say, "Even if she’d said, ‘I didn’t wanna have kids,’ at least I would know. That would have been cool. I tell adoptees, at least you find out why this happened."

Apparently, I wasn’t the only one with a question about anger. Darryl told me how, at some point, his birth mom pulled his wife aside and told her, "I know he’s pretty easygoing, but tell him if he needs to call me up and yell at me, he can.”

The Low Times

Ten years ago, Darryl was at a dark time of his life. His career was in high gear, D.M.C. was flying high, but somehow, he still felt something was missing. He felt a void inside that he believes was adoption-rleated. "Oh, yeah, it was the adoption. Yeah, ‘cause I was sitting there thinking, here I am, D.M.C., had the best life, best of everything, went to the best schools. Then I became D.M.C., and I am D.M.C. - fame and fortune - but something is missing, something is not right here." At that time, he did not know that he had been adopted. When I asked if finding out that he had been adopted was a kind of relief, if it explained anything, he said, "Oh yeah, sure, it did.. It filled the void. Yeah, it let me know THAT was it."

At one troublesome time in Darryl’s life, he heard Sarah McLachlan’s song, “Angel,” and listened to it daily for a solid year. It inspired him and reminded him about what he calls "the beautiful part of life." He credits that song for saving his life, so he approached her to record a song with him. On his new album, Checks Thugs and Rock 'n Roll, he and Sarah McLachlan perform an inspiring song together called "Just Like Me" – aimed at adoptees. Not until after the album was recorded did he find out that Sarah was an adoptee, too.

Filling in “Chapter One”

His advice for adoptees considering search? "Like we adoptees say, there is a chapter one of your life. Do it. Deep down, I think every adoptee wants to know. How could you not?" He told how, in some of the adoption support meetings he attended, he would sometimes hear an adoptee say that that he/she didn’t want to search. He didn’t believe them. "You’re lying," he’d say to them. He believes that it’s important for all parts of the triad to heal. "Reunion helps heal all three members of the triad,” he said. When I asked Darryl what he thought of birth parents searching, he said, "I think it’s beautiful!" And when I mentioned that some birth moms refuse contact, he said, "They don’t know what they’re doing.”

How does Darryl feel about his search now? He says he was fortunate that his search had a happy ending. “Even if it hadn’t,” he said, "at least I would know. I just wanted to know how I began. My search was not just about finding my birth family, it was about finding out about me, who I am and the purpose for my life."

What Comes Next?

Darryl hopes to help show other adoptees and children in foster care that they have a purpose in life – that there is a reason they are here on this earth. If they are very lucky, they will find their purpose in life as Darryl has.

He wants to learn more about adoption, especially about birth moms, and he wants to work to rid adoption of closed records and secrecy. He also honors the positive aspects of adoption. He spoke of the beauty in the love that it took his two mothers to make him who he is now. "It’s all about love. Whether we are adopted or not, we all have a purpose and are supposed to be here.”

Darryl McDaniels is bringing his compassion, forthrightness, and honesty to the adoption community. This big bad boy rapper has become a man with a purpose and a mission. He has the ability to do much good in the adoption community and the world, and I believe that he will.

More About D.M.C.

• DMC's Web site
• VH1 - "DMC: My Adoption Journey"

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<sub>ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Jan Baker is a reunited birth mom who raised two other children. She has become a passionate advocate for search and reunion, open records, adoption reform and is a member of Concerned United Birthparents, Washington Adoption Reunion Movement, and the American Adoption Congress.

Her non-adoption interests include hiking, photography, traveling, writing and spending time with her three grandchildren.

Jan can be reached at adoptionsearchblog2@adoptionmail.com.</sub>