Has searching in the newspaper archives brought you to an obituary? Has the funeral home in the obituary provided you with additional information that helps to confirm for you that you have found your natural mother? Have you contacted a natural family member and confirmed that your natural mother is deceased?

Finding a grave…this can be one of the most difficult things that you have to deal with in our life. You will learn, grow, and heal from the experience.

It seems like I have been reading a lot of stories lately that searches have ended with a grave. I found a grave almost fourteen years ago. Speaking for myself I found peace in my natural mother’s death. It is a far more ultimate conclusion than the limbo loss of adoption. It contains closure.

Aren’t all losses multiplied and cumulative in our lives? Doesn’t each one bring up the memories of past losses? I personally wasn’t prepared for this and it wasn’t until years later that I realized how much adoption search and reunion affects triad members.

I didn’t have to wait, wonder, or hope any longer. Years later, I was able to find a certain peace to that. When we loose someone like a parent or any other with whom we have shared a relations they live on in our memories. I hadn’t met my natural mother since she carried me out of the hospital when I was four days old. If you have searched and found a grave you may feel as if you have lots of unfinished business which lingers. It wasn’t for years after I found a grave that I was able to realize that her soul is at peace and that helped me.

Aren’t the adoption losses like scars and do fade over time with healing? Just remember that the time it takes to get to that point can’t be rushed and abides by no clock or calendar. Also remember our losses come back to us at odd and unexpected times. It has been my practice to try and face those times without fear or sadness.