There are some adoptees who are not comfortable or haven’t discussed their search or their relationship with their natural mother with their adoptive parents.

The feelings of search can be “full time” with no stopping and starting. Some adoptees may feel guilty and don’t want to hurt their adoptive parents but the guilt from waiting to tell the adoptive parents can be greater. The need for your adoptive parents support and the need to know how the adoptive parents feel can be very strong for the adoptee.

One way to open the discussion is to write a letter explaining why you feel the need to begin the search and how important it is to you to hear their side. After the letter is received, it can possibly be a wonderful conversation. It may be the first time you ask them how they feel and it will give you all a chance to hear clearly how each other feel about search and also about each other. This conversation may help you to feel not guilty any longer.

Talking with your adoptive parents about your adoption can bring you closer and can be the groundwork for you to become more communicative in general. The search can be scary as well as what you might find however the love and support of you adoptive parents can be a constant reminder that you are not alone.

I am not saying that initiating this conversation will be easy because it isn’t. It can be a very difficult thing to do. However, sometimes it is only our adoptive parents that have some answers. You may have resentment towards your adoptive parents and that can be very real. On the flip side, if you can discuss with your adoptive parents, it can be critical to your search process.