At the June 1997 Australian Adoption conference in Brisbane, Evelyn Robinson delivered a speech on "Grief Associated with the Loss of Children to Adoption." The speech was taken from Ms. Robinson's essay on "Bereavement and Loss", which was written for her degree in social work. Ms. Robinson also presented the material in August 1998 in Scotland and is currently writing a book on the subject. Much of the text below was taken directly from her work and this particular series was written by a dear friend of mine, Nathalie Troland. Nathalie is a reunited natural mother for 15+ years and has an ongoing relationship with her daughter.

Grief is the emotional response to loss. The loss can range anywhere from the loss of a loved one to the loss of a relationship through divorce or illness, or even a change in life-style such as a geographical or occupational move. It is characterized by feelings of sadness, hopelessness, depression, numbness, anger and even guilt. In normal grief resolution, these feelings gradually subside. Disenfranchised grief, however, interferes with normal grief resolution causing the feelings associated with grief to persist for a very long time.

According to Kenneth Doka, disenfranchised grief is grief that is not openly acknowledged, socially accepted or publicly mourned. Moreover, the relationship is not recognized, the loss is not recognized or the griever is not recognized. Doka believes that mourners whose grief is disenfranchised are cut off from social supports. With few opportunities to express and resolve their grief, they feel alienated from their community and tend to hold onto their grief more tenaciously than they might if their grief was recognized.

According to Ms. Robinson, the grief of relinquishing mothers fits the definition of disenfranchised grief in the following ways. First of all, the pregnancy and relinquishment were most often kept secret, preventing any open acknowledgment of the loss. The grief was not socially supported since the natural mother had placed herself in a position that was unacceptable to society. She was to blame and therefore had no right to mourn. The natural mother was an embarrassment to her family and others so the grief could not be publicly mourned. She had to pretend that the birth and loss of her child never happened. In addition, in a relinquishment situation, the mother child relationship was not recognized, therefore the natural mother was not recognized as a legitimate mourner since the loss of her child was not considered real.