Ah, Readers! Bear with me, please, as I get my feet beneath me navigating the Adoption.com site! Having been given permissions to blog in several categories here, I found in retrospect that I had posted under ‘adoptee’ rather than here under “Adoption Search”. Please read the posts at the links given as they really do give the MOST important things to do prior to beginning a search. Here are the links: “Again and Again I Say, Prepare!” ; “Avoiding the Undertow”.
In an upcoming article, (not here in the blog section), you will read of my “Box Full of Matches”. This is like a tool box, with each match being a tool that will help in your search. I use the matchbox analogy because as Searchers, we become Firemakers. There is no way you aren’t going to light some fires. This is part of the reason I press so in regard to getting healing, or at least get into getting some healing, prior to going on a search. You are going to stir up the embers of your own feelings and throw kerosene on the feelings of some others. You need to be strong enough to take the burn.
Assuming you took my advice and read the posts linked to above, we are going to jump right into the next step. Please remember, I am giving my story…the way things happened with me several years ago. There have been a lot of changes in what people can do with research since then. Research may go faster, and social networking sites can exponentially increase the speed of the mighty Internet. Still, just like people, no two stories are exactly the same. I hope to hear some super cool stories from some of you in the near future!
Speaking of Internet, that was my first baby step. I grappled with guilt even in seeking adoption search sites. I grappled with guilt as I pinpointed my search to the Reunion section of the adoption search site. I smothered the mouth of the enemy whispering in my ear that I was ‘a bad girl’ for even wanting to search. Now listen, all this was going on even though I knew I was doing the right thing. Oh, that guilt grappling, gut grabbing, doubt delivering battle between soul and spirit! But I pressed on. If you’ve become convinced that now is the time for your search, you will need to press on, too. I recommend you stay connected to a person or persons in the flesh who ‘gets you’, and definitely stay connected here at Adoption.com. They’re open 24-7 and writers here have so much encouragement to offer!
Having read encouraging stories that I hoped would someday become mine, I started to find out about the ‘how-to’s’. The first thing I did was sign in on the Adoption Reunion Registry. I knew it was a long shot but I was no longer in sit-and-wait-to-see-if-someone-finds-me mode! But it was a chance and now that my fire was lit, I burned with urgency. I had come to realize that I was not the only one who needed to know about me…“She Needs to Know” is an article I wrote that details this. You may want to take some time and read that, too. I had become convinced that my birth-mother needed to know about my whereabouts and my search motives consequently took a turn. Now I searched for the sake of someone else as well as myself. It made all the difference in the size of my fire .
Before going further, have you registered yet? I know, the wall between you and reunion seems big and strong and maybe even a little foreboding. But even the Wall of China has cracks. This is one way to start a crack in your wall…Why not take time to do that now?
Don’t worry…I’ll wait…
PHOTO CREDIT: Flickr