It is so important for triad members to forgive themselves. There is a tendency in most if not all triad members to hold ourselves more accountable than we do others. Perhaps you may be one of the individuals who can justify forgiving others but yet you find no justification for forgiving yourself for an equal or lesser offense. You may feel that forgiving yourself is not even a consideration because you think you must hold yourself in constant remembrance, and this lets you not forget. You may feel that there is a price that must be paid.

There are some principles in forgiveness that I believe should be applied. The first is a no partiality standard to yourself. It is just as important to forgive yourself as it is to forgive others.

Forgiving yourself is not about forgetting. It is about not bringing it up to yourself in negative ways. Forgiving yourself is letting go of what you are holding against yourself so that you can move on.
By not forgiving yourself, you are more than likely exhaustive and by not letting go and forgiving yourself takes lost of energy to harbor within yourself. Every bit of energy it takes to think negative thoughts and dwell on the past robs you of the energy to become the person you want to be.

Everyone’s life is full of choices whether or not their lives are touched by adoption. Those who have been touched by adoption have a choice to make and that is whether or not to have the adoption experience be a positive experience and give our lives direction or rob us of the opportunity of living life to its fullest. Forgiving ourselves doesn’t let the person off the hook, it does not justify what has been done, and it not a sign of weakness.