Forgiveness is a huge issue to tackle at reunion. Many birth mothers have more than one person to begin to forgive at the time of a reunion. A crucial step in recovering from the wounds of adoption during reunion is finding ways to forgive, not only others, but yourself.

For birth mothers from the infamous “baby scoop” era, when adoptions were at an all time high in the United States, there may be a fairly extensive list of people to forgive. Particularly for those women who were pressured into relinquishing, this list could be quite lengthy. Rarely did a relinquishment occur solely due to the counsel of one person. Therefore, there is a great deal of blame to divvy up.

The attitudes of society as a whole greatly influenced many adoptions during the baby scoop era. Therefore, the state of our society during that shameful period in our country’s history should receive some of the blame. However, it isn’t particularly satisfying or helpful to blame the whole of society.

Some may question the use of the word "blame" in this context. The word fits, however, if a woman both regrets having relinquished a child to adoption, and believes that it never should have happened. Although some adoptions should occur, I am referring in this post mainly to situations in which the birth mother at reunion questions whether adoption was the best option in her particular situation.

For many young women who relinquished babies, they looked to trusted advisors to help them deal with their crisis pregnancies. These advisors were generally older and thought to be wiser. Sometimes they were, but often they knew little about the dynamics of adoption and its long-lasting effects. Parents, doctors and religious advisors were the main sources of information that most young women relied upon as to how to handle their crisis pregnancies.

However, even in present times, many respected professionals in the field of religion, social work or medicine may not understand the intricacies or effects of adoption. Therefore, it is understandable that even now many parents, teachers, etc. still have little concrete and realistic ideas about the affects of relinquishment on parents and their children.

To Be Continued.......................................