The past 10 days we have spent vacationing in the south eastern states. When we started to plan this trip about a year ago I wasn’t too excited about going. I am a beach person and wanted to take a cruise or go to the Caribbean. My husband on the other hand is the total opposite. He doesn’t care for the beach and would prefer visiting the mountains. Since we have done the Caribbean and beaches the past several years, I told my husband that this year he could pick our vacation spot. He chose Nashville, TN and the Smokey Mountains.

Little did I know when we started planning this trip that our vacation would include a face to face meeting with my natural sister. This is the first time that we have seen one another in 10 years.

When I found my natural mother in 1993 I learned I had a sister who is 19 months younger than I. We met 7 days after we had our first phone conversation. The first three years of our reunion was now what I call typical. We saw each other on a regular basis and spoke on the phone. The physical distance between us was minimal (10-20 minutes at the most) so distance was never an issue. In hindsight, I can see all of the stages of reunion that we went through. I also can say that we both made mistakes. Since I have last seen my sister I think that we have both changed and worked through several of our own issues. I needed to grieve for my natural mother who had passed away 15 months prior. My sister was still grieving for her mother and learning of my existence made her question many things in her life. My existence helped her to understand why her mother was the way she was. On the other hand though, my existence made grieving for my sister even harder. The physical resemblance of myself to my natural mother was undeniable.

The turning point in our reunion was in 1996 when I moved 300 miles east to the other side of the state. The last time I saw my sister was a 10 minute visit the day that I was finishing packing and waiting for the moving truck to pull up. Once I was moved and for the next 3 or 4 years after that I would hear from my sister on a consistent basis of once every 6 months. This was quiet unsettling but I was to the point of that I would be here when she is ready. In hindsight, I think we both needed time to work things through for ourselves. I just didn’t expect it to take 10 years to reconnect with one another. I started to send cards on a regular basis during these years and received no response. The cards usually were for Christmas, her birthday, anniversary of my natural mothers death, and the anniversary of our reunion. I never once received a response back. As the years went on, the card sending became a once a year thing and that was at Christmas. I always included a photograph and always made sure the return address was on the envelope. If our phone numbers changed I would also include the new phone number. This went on for approximately 5 or 6 years with no response.

Christmas of 2005 I contemplated not even sending the annual Christmas card and photograph. I think I was to the point that after 9 or 10 years that I was loosing hope. I had hoped for so long that we would be able to have a relationship again and hope that she would respond to one of the cards that I sent. In 10 years a lot of things had happened that never received a response or acknowledgement. When my husband and I got engaged, I had mailed her our engagement photo with a short letter. When the girls were planning our bridal shower I agonized over whether or not I should invite her. Three of the four girls in our wedding were triad members and they encouraged me to invite her. When it came time to mail our wedding invitations I agonized once again about including my natural sister. We purchased and moved into a new home and I sent her a note with our new address and phone number; none of these were responded to.

As I agonized over sending the Christmas card, it was my husband who encouraged me to mail it. He reminded me of what I have told so many other triad members over the years. He encouraged me to keep the hope and to keep sending the cards until she responds telling me not to. He reminded me that I am only sending one card a year and to keep sending them with no expectations. By sending the card lets my sister know that we are thinking of her and that the door is always open in the event that she would want to reconnect with me. So, mid December the Christmas card went out and in my mind that was that.