This is a method that Christi Bender posted to the forum at adoption.com. She gave me permission to offer her suggestion for first contact here:

When I contacted my bmom I thought about the knock on the door method (always somewhere in a dream), but seeing as how I was in FL and she was in MI that just wasn't practical.

I thought about the phone... but it would require an immediate reaction. A confused mind will generally say "no". Not always... but generally. I also didn't want to put her on the spot. I didn't know her health situation, her living situation or whether I was a secret. It didn't feel right to me.

I thought about a letter... but they get lost, opened by others, destroyed... and how do you know? You don't.. you wonder.. you wait... Also.. anything in writing can be found and that could be very bad for the mom if her past is a secret.

So... I sent a flower. I actually didn't even send it... I had it at the store and called her house myself (without telling her I was me) informing her there was something there for her to pick up. The card was simple... basically a birthdate and a way to contact me.

It completely protected her privacy. I knew she received it. It gave her a little warning so that she could respond in a "safe" situation. Luckily for me the wait was 3 hours and 7 minutes. But whose counting.... And, in our society when someone sends us flowers it is customary to thank them.... it encouraged a quick response. It was also a "nice" way to make contact... it spelled out right up front this was friendly contact.

When I asked her permission to share her idea, she added the following:

A flower does a couple of really good things…
1. It can be "picked up" instead of delivered and this can help to verify receipt by the intended person without the negative overtones of certified return receipt mail.
2. It can give a "hint of a warning" before laying it all out there to allow the mind to open up to the possibility of contact more gradually.
3. By the nature of a flower it really sets a "friendly" tone.
4. Within our culture it is customary to call and acknowledge receipt of a flower… this isn’t necessarily true with a letter – I think this helps to bring forward a faster response.

Thanks Christi for your unique method for first contact! This idea has been used successfully by Christi and several others.

Christi is a reunited adoptee who now helps others as a reunion coach. I will explain more about her services later. For now check out her website for further details.Christi Bender, Reunion Coach

My last segement of "First Contact" - Part 4 - Via Email or In Person - to follow soon!