If the siblings that an adoptee finds at reunion are successful, happy people with a close relationship to their birth mom, the adoptee might experience some jealousy. There could be moments of thinking, "Why don't I have what they have?" or "Why did she keep them and not me?" Depending on how happy you are with your own life, you might be envious of the life your siblings have had.

On the other hand, finding a dysfunctional birth family could make an adoptee feel that being relinquished may have been a blessing for them. If other siblings raised by their birth mother are in sad shape; they may believe that might have been their fate. Maybe that is true, but, it is also possible that the loss of a child to adoption may affect a birth mom and change her ability to parent and/or function well.

The truth can also be brutal and difficult to accept either way. If you find that you maybe were better off with your adoptive family, or if you think you might have fared better with your birth family, either discovery could be painful and/or sad. Most likely the truth may be somewhere in between.

No one can ever know for certain how different life would have been had a different choice been made. It is tempting and normal to speculate and wonder, but, one can never really know for certain how the cards might have played out.

No matter what else one finds at reunion though, they generally do find some answers. Some birth moms have told me that for them, one of the worst parts of their closed adoption was not knowing. Not knowing if their child was alive, or healthy or happy - not knowing where they were - not knowing if there are grandchildren, all these questions and more haunt birth moms.

Birth moms wonder too if their children hate them for having relinquished them. They also wonder if the decision they made turned out as they had hoped it would. Reunion provides many answers for moms.

To Be Continued....................................