Few natural fathers search and find. Those that have found often times find that their child is secure, mature and happy. That is some of the things that they would have wanted for their child. Some natural fathers feel that the adoptive parents did much better than what they or the natural mother cold have done considering the stages of life they were in at the time of their child’s birth. Many natural fathers were faced with the question of financial stability and the potential as a couple faced with an unexpected pregnancy, little money and unsure of their ability to love. Natural fathers also struggled with relinquishment.

Entering into a relationship being upfront is best and there are some men who do not have the courage or maturity to inform their “intended” mate prior to marriage and after marriage it becomes a problem as a trust issue. By keeping secrets, relationships are complicated and risk the intimacies that marriage can bring.

The natural fathers that have not been open about this subject needs to be reassured by society. Unfortunately there are some marriages that cannot absorb this easily and the resolution process might be lengthy and tenuous. However, there are spousal relationships that can stand a shock.

By the natural father sharing that they had a child out of wedlock allows him to share his own concerns for his child when the thoughts hit. When the natural father wonders and if the natural father decides to search the natural father can be supported in principle and action. There can be some apprehension because this is an intimate part of the natural father’s life before the natural father and his wife were married.

Natural fathers are ashamed of their part in the relinquishment and some thought that relinquishment is what should have been done. However, as natural fathers grow older and mature, they come to see who they are and make their own self assessments. Some natural fathers may have acted in appropriately, kept emotions in, and tried to be practical at the time of relinquishment.

There are some natural fathers who carry a sense of shame that is unresolved and come to a self imposed conclusion that they have less of a right than the natural mothers. Natural fathers need to hear that their offspring want and sometimes need to find them and that things change in 18 or 30 years and that the animosity that the natural father may anticipate may be self directed.

Natural fathers may feel timid about how they will be perceived but then was then and now is now. If natural fathers can remember that we will see more of them initiating a search for the child that they fathered that was relinquished to adoption.