Is the emotion of fear, rejection and abandonment a bad thing? Does it serve a purpose other than to establish limits that can last a long time? Have these limits become unknown and hidden? Do we tend to cover our fears with beliefs and stories? Do these beliefs and stories reinforce the fear? At some point fear, rejection and abandonment may have had a positive purpose. Maybe it has served to insure my survival.

There was a time in my life that I thought I knew the risks of intimate relationships. I was fearful of intimacy because of my experiences with being hurt. But equally as important is how I interpret my experiences and think about them.

There is a difference between the words "fear" with "respect". Fear is a reaction that often occurs. There is a significant difference between respect for something and fear of it.

The opinions of others and specifically, what they thought about and of me use to be important to me. It took a long time to realize that it doesn’t matter as long as I am happy with myself. That I live up to the morals and expectations that I have set for myself. I understand now, that it was only important to the extent I made it so. What people think about me has no significance except for what I give it
Recently, I started thinking about what experiences are the actual roots of the fears that I have dealt with along my adoption journey. I have reflected on some of my earliest childhood memories, and throughout my entire life, I can identify experiences that supported that belief. My past experiences are what my fears are founded upon.

There was a time in my life that I would not let people get close to me. I have felt uncomfortable about getting too close to them. I would hold them at arm's length. I use to think that if the first person in my life can leave me then how can I let anyone into my heart? If I do, when they leave, it will hurt. They will go away. People leave other people. They move away. They get married. They have a family and people drift apart. Somewhere along the way I had made the decision to not get too attached to anyone. I had decided I was not going to be hurt anymore. Then I realized that at times my fears would be so strong, that the only way I could maintain the "arms length" rule, was to get angry. It is the pain of separation that had been predominant for me. Then, I realized I had to figure out how to change it.

I am glad that I found a way to let myself love and be loved. It was that point in my healing journey that I started to truly live my life. I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t but I am SO happy I did. I would have never met my wonderful husband and be blessed with him in my life if I hadn’t.