When it comes to how people feel the bottom lines is that each person feel the way they feel. No one can make them feel any differently and each person must work through their own feelings through time.

A natural mother may feel as if they didn’t abandon their child. They may try to find peace with that. They may feel or thing that the adoptees that feel abandoned could never understand what the natural mother s went though. Some natural mothers may not be able to understand what adoptees deal with in their every day lives.

I think it is safe to say that most adoptees feel differently about their beginnings. Some feelings for adoptees may have changed more than once during the years and each is entitled to their feelings and must take responsibility for only what we know in our own lives. It is not fair for other triad members to pass judgment on those that we do not know or how someone feels.

Some adoptees may feel abandoned and then learn of the circumstances that may have been out of the natural mothers control. They may learn and realize that their natural mother loved them. Some may realize that the flip side is that the adoptee could have been aborted. Some may look as this as their past and try not to think about it at all because they know they can’t change anything about what happened.

Some adoptees may always remember having feelings of abandonment. Some may feel that their feelings were the strongest during their teenage years. They may not have thought of their natural parents did something wrong or that they didn’t care but couldn’t stop feeling that fear of abandonment. When older some adoptees may wish that their natural mothers would find them so that they would know that even though their natural mother didn’t keep them that she cared.

Think about it for a moment. Look around you at the support groups you belong to, online and live, or the conferences you have attended, if natural mothers didn’t love her child and didn’t want anything to do with that child then they wouldn’t be attending the support groups, reading and responding to mailing list email, reading this or other adoption related blogs, or attend the conferences that provide information, search assistance, and support.

Isn’t it good for each of us to express our feelings, and isn’t that why we all seek out the support that we are in need of. How triad members feel isn’t about who is right and who is wrong it is about supporting one another and isn’t that what’s important?

Just remember that whatever you feel is valid. In reality weren’t natural mothers all doing the best they knew how at the time? Some may view that it wasn’t a voluntary abandonment, it was a forced separation. Most natural mothers did what they thought was best for their child – 2 parents, a family.