This post is a continuation of Part 1 about facilitating reunions with adolescents.

I know several birth mothers who have had reunions with teens, and all have resulted proceeded fairly smoothly and resulted in long term relationships. Therefore, my view of reunions with adolescents has been formed by their experiences and my own common sense and knowledge of dealing with teens – the two children that I raised.

Believe me, I am not saying that their reconnections were stress free and/or easy. Life with teens often seems full of high emotions and drama, and reunion involves high emotions for nearly everyone. With teens, I would expect reunion drama might be magnified. I consider highly emotional behavior in a reunion to be inevitable though.

If the birth family has a history of erratic behavior, alcohol or drug issues, or some extreme problems, I believe that an overly cautious and protective approach might be in order. When there are concrete reasons to be inordinately suspicious of the birth parents’ intentions, I can see some need for anonymity to be maintained.

However, absent those types of known issues, I fail to see a need for the secrecy and anonymity to remain. In most cases, I do not see the need for anonymity to be part of an adoption in the first place. If an adoption is closed though, reunion should be a time to come together for the sake of the child. Beginning a reunion with negative attitudes, suspicion, mistrust and go-betweens? I really cannot fathom that would help create warmth, trust and cooperation between two families.

I wonder how many adoptive parents feel birth families are such a possible threat even years down the road? Do many honestly believe that at reunion birth parents will cause harm to their children? Are you still worried at the time of a possible reunion that the birth parents may try to reclaim the children? Do they feel they will become insistent pests? It is puzzling to me.